“SSUC is a place where we work hard to make a safer space for all. No matter who we are, we’re welcome here. All sizes, all ages, all colours, all cultures, all abilities, all genders, all sexualities, all thinking styles and neurotypes, all religions or none, all people.”
This should sound familiar to those of us who participate in SSUC gatherings. These are the affirmations we speak each time we gather, and they represent our commitment to our affirming and expansive journey. No matter who we are, we can be seen and affirmed in this statement.
As part of our affirming commitment, it’s up to all of us to continually reach deeper in our desire to affirm each person by learning more and doing the work required in making our space safer for all those within our community.
Many of us at SSUC wear pronoun pins or have our pronouns printed on our nametags. We often introduce ourselves and include our pronouns. This is a way to identify ourselves in a world with many genders and many diverse and beautiful ways to understand ourselves. The act of sharing our pronouns normalizes the practice for all of us, particularly for those who want or need to express their identity with their pronouns – whether those pronouns are he/him, she/her, they/them, or others that we’re not as familiar with.
So what comes after sharing our pronouns?
When we know someone’s pronouns, it becomes our responsibility, all of us, to try our best to use the correct ones! As you know, a pronoun is a replacement for a noun (the noun in this case being our names). If you were to call me by the wrong name once, I’d correct you, no big deal. But if you were to call me that wrong name again and again, I’d have to wonder if you really cared about knowing me or the value that I have at all. Pronouns, as replacements for names, are the same way. We show respect by doing our best to learn each other’s names and pronouns.
A friend recently gave this tip that can help all of us in the journey of learning pronouns, and particularly they/them pronouns, which are still a challenge for many. So here’s a trick that might help us practice and get better:
Do you have a plant at home? An object, it could be anything – an appliance, an animal, a toy – for me it’s a plant. Give it a name. This is “Stripe”. Stripe’s pronouns are they/them. So now, whenever you interact with your plant or coffee maker or teddy bear or English Daisy in the garden, you are going to practice.
“Stripe is looking thirsty, they need some water.”
“Have you cleaned the microwave lately? Don’t neglect them.”
“Where is your Rex the Dinosaur toy?” They were on the table yesterday!”
Part of our affirmation that we speak every Sunday is honouring who we are – no matter who we are. And the respect we offer to each other in our affirming journey is learning, getting better at honouring each other, even when something is new and different. This is work for all of us so that we can get better and better at calling each other by our chosen and correct names. To do otherwise creates an atmosphere that’s exclusive, aggressive and unwelcoming. We know we strive for the opposite: a community that is inclusive, affirming and liberating. Let’s get practicing!